When The Heart Speaks...

Clarity Power Results

2011-05-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

Noises in My Life Journey

2011-05-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

A friend shared with me yesterday about her feeling down with the current challenges she is facing in her career. Being in that state, she wondered whether she should put more focus in her personal life and just 'go through the motion' at work.

Going through the motion takes the joy out of your living and you may not be congruent with your true purpose.

The underlying self talk could be "Are all these efforts/ over coming challenges worth the while?".

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

I reflected on my life journey till now and they are colourful. There were moments of joy and there were moments of disappointment when I went through life challenges.

I believe that these challenges or occurrences in life makes me to be a better and clearer person.

The challenges are just noises in my life, distracting me away from my goals and true purpose. Some of these noises are required for me to build my inner strengths. For example in the areas where I need to be more focus and in setting my priorities.

I am sure there are more challenges ahead. "When there is a problem, there is an opportunity". My friend, Master Ken Chee, kept reminding me.

What I usually do is to read biography and find out what were the challenges great human beings in the past went through, their state of being and how they overcame the difficult situations. There are lessons and learnings everywhere. I relate their life journeys to the noises in my life now. I learn from them as much as possible and apply the lessons and principles accordingly.

I love reading the 'Sirah' or Prophetic Biographies of the Prophets. My favourites are Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. on how he patiently developed the people around him and expanded the Islamic Empire and Prophet Noah a.s. on how he persevered for 950 years in preaching Islam. I read the journey of the Khulafa ar Rasyidin too especially Syaidina Uthman Affan on his challenges over coming 'fitnah' (doing some thing to cause problems between two parties) in leading the Islamic Empire till his death.

I am sure you have your favourite biographies which helps keeping the noises under control and keep you strong in going through your life challenges, to be on track pursuing your life purpose.

Before you go into the mode of "resigned and cynical" with the noises, take a deep breath, go into solitude and ask yourself:

1. What are my goal(s) and true purpose?

2. How do I attract this challenge(s)?

3. How would this challenge help me to achieve my goal(s) and closer to my true purpose?

4. What resources do I need to go through this challenge?

5. What is the first step I can take to overcome this challenge?

I invite you to face the challenge, have faith, everything happen for a reason.

Wallahualam.

Ciao.

Izam

Silence Speaks

2011-04-08T06:45:00.000-07:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

Would silence speaks?

I questioned many things in my life which I need the courage to speak about and search for some answers. The answers came in many form which I have to be aware of. In some silent moment, there are powerful communication happening.

I am sure it is normal to have internal dialogues in my head. There are times when I am alone, I hear louder or persistence voices in the head, more than normal. It is like I have to give some attention to the passing thought and ponder.

This is the time, I feel restless.

I would walk to the kitchen looking for something to eat;

Switch on the TV to look for a good programme to watch;

Browse the books, looking for a great book to read;

And many more 'doingness' stuff which I would looked for just to avoid paying attention to my inner thoughts.

Was I ever successful? No.

What I learned, by just being aware of a thought and I listen to it with no judgement and not making any conclusion about it, helps a lot. I would say "thank you for sharing" to the thought which I find not serving me or I am not ready to look into it yet.

I would love being in silence once in a while. I use the time to reflect, contemplate or do some deep thinking. I figure that by me doing this, I would clear some of my life issues.

I am aware that some of these questions even though they are valid questions, are just justifications/reasons for me not to take the next step and I am looking for safe answers.

Have you ever been in this situation?

What did you do?

Did you listen to your thought?

How did you manage your internal dialogues or conversations?

Did you avoid listening to it?

Were you looking for the right safe answer?

One thing I learned long time ago. I tend to look for the life long answers externally more than I look for them internally. And guess what, the journey inside provided me with more insights.

Have a great 2011.

How's your 2011 so far?

3 months up.

Are you making progress with your goals?

Ciao

Izam

End of 1430H & 2009 - Beginning of 1431H & 2010

2009-12-19T09:17:00.000-08:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

Every year, we meet the end of the year and we wait anxiously for the beginning of the new year. We reflect what had happened in 2009 and 1430H. Looking forward for the 1431H and 2010.

I wonder what we are reflecting on and what are we anticipating for in the new year.

Are we reflecting on the same thing in 2009 as we want to work on in 2010? If it is the same thing, what is the progress so far? What is new? Why?

I am taking time off to reflect on what I have accomplished in 2009 and what I want to work on in 2010.

Something new which I am doing this time. I also want to reflect on how much I have improved in my journey to be closer to the Almighty. Obviously not much. This is an area which I will definitely add as my to do list in 2010 and determine to make progress in this area of my life.

Happy Goal Setting, Planning and Happy New Year.

ciao.

Izam

Learnings in Life - Personal Leadership

2009-11-15T22:38:00.000-08:00

At every stage in my life, I am confronted with a lot of learnings. Some minor and some major.

The thing is this... whether I realise it or not and whether I like it or not, the learning is coming my way. Some come like "a small tap on the shoulder" and some come like "a huge truck hitting me".

This time my learning is huge. I am confronted and I am slow in recognising it. I have to adapt and change fast or it will eat me alive. :) Like a master trainer once told me "change or loose".

My major learning now are to be assertive and firm. I always follow my heart and I get it done the way I think will achieve results. I will continue following my heart but I need to change the way I do things.

I can achieve results by using diplomacy and also by being dominant. Typically I would choose the earlier method. I find it tiring to be a dominant guy.

What I recognised now by me being in this critical leadership position, I need to shift my way of being. I want to be assertive and firm. There too many people in my close circles saw glaringly that I will be a great leader by me adjusting this one area of my life NOW.

I have to move out from being seen and labelled a nice guy, likable, work from the background and a laid back person. I am too comfortable with my current way of being. I am adjusting from being too dominant at times and too nice at other times. This is a good learning and an acceptable process.

I focus on deliverable and results only in the past. It is a good thing. There are three areas which are important in delivering result - Strategy, Process and People. I like the strategy part. I am ok with the process part. When it comes to communication with people, I need to change my style of leadership.

I remembered in a training seminar which I attended. It state that the best kind of leadership is the leadership practices by Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.

This is a new beginning for me in this phase of my life. It is uncomfortable and I am taking it head on. This is my commitment now and for 2010.

My teachers in this area of my life at the moment are my goodfriends Reza Ali and Ken Chee. They show the kind of assertiveness which I want to emulate.

My questions to you are:

What are your challenges now in being the best you?

What stopping you to be at the next level of your personal power?

Are you happy where you are at?

What kind of self permission do you need to ensure personal change?

2010 is coming - what personal change are you committed to, to take you to the next level of personal power? Choose.

Ciao.

Izam

Assisting someone... when will I quit

2009-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

I received a text message from a friend that her uncle passed away. She felt blessed that her uncle was able to performed Hajj last year and thank me for assisting.

When I got the message... I was silent for a moment and tears came out of my eyes. I reflected on what happenned.

I remembered everyone assisted to get him to be candidated to go for Hajj 3 years ago but failed. We tried again 2 years ago and still he was not candidated. With our doa and Allah blessing, he was candidated last year and alhamdulillah, he performed his Hajj last year.

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder...

What if I stop assisting him in the first year or the second year, would he be able to go? I don't know.

I got these questions in my mind:

When do I stop assisting someone after I begin? I am grateful that I persisted to assist the gentleman with Allah blessing.

What about when I am with other people especially when I am coaching?

Is my judgement correct when I decide to stop assisting someone?

What rational do I give for not assisting someone?

Do I assist out of convinience and when it is comfortable?

I reflected on the life I had been living and the life I am living into...

how many souls I have assisted out of convinience when the person need my assistance?

how many times I gave all I have got to assist someone?

I am blessed that I got a realisation after reading the text message sent by the friend. Thank you AD.

I acknowledge that I am here in this world to add value to others in any way I can.

I will continue living my mission statement - "I touch, move and inspire people using my honesty and contribution to achieve human transformation and to be closer to the Almighty"

ciao
Izam

Prosperity Consciousness - the art of creating wealth

2009-10-26T01:37:00.000-07:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

Many times I pray to the Almighty to bless me with financial prosperity in this world and keep working hard for wealth.

In the process, I ponder:

1. my mindset relating to money.

a) what is my personal belief about money;
b) what is my limiting belief about money;
c) how is my relationship with money; and
d) how is money being used now.

I found this great book about how to increase wealth and it makes reference to Al Quran.

I want to share with you the relevant ayat from the Quran about wealth creation.

2. To understand WEALTH in general, the relevant surah are:

Surah al–Dhariyat 56 – 58
Surah TaHa 130 – 132
Surah al-Taubah 28
Surah Al-Imran 27
Surah Al-Shura 19
Surah Fatir 3
Surah Hud 6

The purpose of every creation is to worship Allah. One primary distraction of worshiping is seeking sustenance. Therefore Allah assures rizq. When we faithful and worship Allah, He will provide sustenance and wealth with ease and blessings.

a) the blessing of wealth

Surah Al-Baqarah 60
Surah al-Anfal 26
Surah Al-Baqarah 22
Surah Al-Baqarah 172
Surah Al-Isra’ 70
Surah Al-Nisa’ 5

It is not a sin to wish for more money as long as the intention is pure.

Prophet sabda “ there is no harm in richness, for he who has taqwa, but good health is better than being rich, for he who has taqwa.” Ibn Majah #2141

The purpose of money

Surah al-layl 17-18

Sirah Rasulullah - Money will never decrease because of charity

b) The trial of wealth

Surah al-taghabun 15
Surah al-anfal 28
Surah Al-Imran 14
Surah Al-Taubah 24
Surah Al-Humazah 1-3
Surah Al-Maryam 77
Surah Al-Mudhathir 11-15
Surah A-Masad 2
Surah al-taubah 55
Surah Al-Imran 178
Surah Al-fajr 15 -20

c) Halal & Haram Sustenance and the consequences

Surah Al-Rum 39
Surah Al-Nisa 160-161
Surah Al-Nisa 10

d) The true richness

Surah al-Kahf 46
Surah Saba 37
Surah Hadid 20

e) The wisdom of disparity

Surah al-Isra’ 30
Surah Al-Zukhruf 32
Surah Al-Nahl 71
Surah Al-Shura 27

3. The Ways to increase Wealth

a) The Taqwa of Allah

Surah al-talaq 2-3
Surah Al-A’raf 96
Surah Al-Maidah 66
Surah Albaqarah 268

b) Seeking Forgiveness and repentance

Surah Nuh 10-12
Surah Hud 52
Surah Hud 3

c) Putting one’s trust in Allah or strengthening one’s faith…

Surah Al-Furqan 58
Surah Al-Talaq 3
Surah Al-Taubah 28
Surah Al-taubah 59

d) Constantly worshiping Allah

e) Thanking Allah

Surah Ibrahim 7
Surah Al-Naml 19
Surah Al- Ahqaf 15

f) Frequently performing Hajj and Umrah

g) Establishing the ties of Kinship

h) Spending in the way of Allah

i) Emigrating for the sake of Allah

j) Marriage

Surah Al- Nur 32

k) Supporting students of Islamic Knowledge

l) Showing kindness to the Poor

m) Being honest in one’s dealings

n) Making hereafter One’s main concern

o) Striving to achieve the goal

Surah Al-Mulk 15
Surah Al-Muzzammil 20
Surah Al-Nahl 5-7
Surah Al-Isra ‘ 12
Surah Al- Qasas 73
Surah A- Rum 23
Surah Al-Nahl 14
Surah Al-Jathiyah 12
Surah Al-Quraish 1-4
Surh Al Baqarah 198
Surah Al-Ghafir 60
Surah Al-Nisa 32
Surah Al-Baqarah 126
Surah Ibrahim 37
Surah Al-Jumu’ah 10

Then I asked myself after reading the book:

Am I serious in wanting to create wealth?

When will I read the tafsir of the above ayat?

Would I seek guidance in interpreting the ayat?

Would would I do with what I know?

How different will I be before and after knowing what I know now?

What am I willing to give up?

What would I do on a consistent basis?

Do I really want to be wealthty?

Do I deserve to be wealthy?

What am I willing to do now?

With every gifts form Allah, comes along great responsibilities.

What are your thoughts?

Where are you now?

Ciao
Izam

Hijrah - the journey

2009-10-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

I am working in a foreign land for a few months leaving my family and all the daily routines back home.

Somehow 2 nights ago I felt homesick. I could not really sleep, tossing from left to right. I count my breathing and zikir. I manage to get some sleep at the end.

The next morning, when I was at Masjidil Haram, I saw the foreign workers and expatriates.

Then I am thinking...

They leave what they have back home to hijrah to a new country to earn a living. Some of them left everything they got back home. I respect them.

How do we see the foreign maids working our homes?

How do we see the foreign workers at the construction sites?

How do we see the foreign cleaners in the shopping malls?

How do we see the expats in our country?

How do we see our fellow country mates working as maids / construction workers / cleaners / cooks / professionals in other countries?

All of them have courage. They take action even when they have doubt and fear.

There are many succcessful business people who originate from a different country.

I read a book - 15 ways to incease earnings. One of them is Hijrah in the name of the Almighty. After what I experienced, I value this section of the book.

Hijrah does not just mean geographically. It could mean the inner journey too. Hijrah from one way of being to another way of being. All in the name of the Almighty.

I really got this conversation.

AND...

I was also into another conversation. What would I feel when I die?

I pray to Allah that I will not feel 'worldly homesick' when I have to leave this world, leaving all the people I love and the wealth accummulated. Instead I want to feel calm and feel welcome to the next phase of my journey to Akhirat.

This is only the first week.

Ciao
Izam

Are we focusing on the right thing... NOW

2009-09-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have been working on myself and many people.

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

How many of us have a 5 year or some date in the future 'dream'/plan?

How many of us have a day by day, week by week, month by month, quarter by quarter, half year by half year and year by year execution plan?

I have met one person who follow his plan and his heart. I blessed to know him.

Over the last 18 months, I analysed the people I coached and trained. At the end of every session, I asked them about their goals.

Before I share what their feedbacks are, let me share with you what I did.

I asked everyone to write down what he/she wants to achieve in 5 years in the area of relationship, finance, health, spirituality, career etc.

It was easy for some of us while some others struggled as that time was the first time they did the exercise.

Then I asked them to write what they want to achieve in 24 months having in mind the 5 year plan they have written.

Once they completed that, I asked them to write what they want to achieve in 12 months having in mind the 24 months goals and 5 year written goals.

Then I asked for their 3 to 6 months plan relating to the 12 months, 24 months and 5 year written goals.

Lastly, I would always ask, "what would you do on Monday morning to realise the goals".

This exercise is simple and yet many struggle including me.

Some of the feedbacks are:

"We are so used to setting long term goals and when you ask us to plan in that detailed manner, we struggled.

Our minds are stuck to work on the details.

Numb...

Many thoughts came to mind. Thoughts like do we really want these goals.

Wow... there are so much work need to be done now.

I do plan every year and have long term plan, however I do not have a detailed execution plan. Even if I do have an execution plan, I seldom review and make the necessary changes and commit to the plan.

AND lastly some of them asked whether the plans are align to their higher purpose or values."

Do you have a short term, medium term and long term plan? You can define the period yourself.

Do you have an execution plan? Or you are following the flow allowing things to happen when it happens.

AND are whatever you have planned and executing now... are these plans the right plans for you?

One thing I learned in the last Ramadhan...

I was focused in improving my 'kusyuk' in solat - especially in my beingness and concentration. In order to do that, I focused in improving in my 'doingness' (Feqah). I ensure that I was prepared for solat, recited the surah slowly, making sure that I understood what I recited and also ensure that my mind did not stray too much in the prayer.

Then I was taught that to improve my solat, I need to work on my Tawhid too. Tawhid will give me the strength to be 'kusyuk' in my solat.

Now I want to deepen my understanding of Tawhid while I continue with my Feqah studies/practices.

It is almost the end of September 2009 and we are moving towards the last quarter of 2009.

It is a good time to pump up the engine to achieve my goals which I set at the beginning of 2009 and to start thinking of the 2010 plan.

I doa and pray that 2010 will be an exciting year for you, you are blessed with what you have NOW and you are working to achieve your 2009 goals. Amin.

Ciao

Izam

In a split second...

2009-08-14T15:23:00.000-07:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

Was there a time in your life that you feel you are wandering and not really present to life?

Everything seemed to just passed by and it was already the end of the day, the end of the week and the end of the month. And still you are wondering what you had achieved or done in those days, week or month.

In these last few days before the month of Ramadhan, I noticed that the month of Rejab and Syaaban passed by like in a split second. Time flies really fast. I cannot get it back.

There are a few things which happened in these last 2 months which got to me.

1. The death of a lady at her peak of her career in the movie industry. She collapsed in a meeting and died a few days later.

2. The death of an established singer. He died while recording a program at a tv studio.

3. The death of a 6 year of boy. He was sick on Monday with breathing difficulty and died on Thursday.

4. A friend had a chest pain, went to the hospital and the gallbladder was removed.

5. Out of the blue, within 6 hours someone received a promotion.

A friend told me a few day ago, when The Almighty want to give, HE can give in a blink of the eye and if HE wanted to take it away, HE could do it instantly too.

What the friend said made me reflect on the things that happened as written above and the nikmat I have gotten from HIS GRACIOUS and MERCIFUL.

It felt as if I was awaken again from the daze. I was so consumed by my 'things to do' on the daily basis that I forget to take time and be grateful for the life I am living.

I felt that the last blog which I wrote has more meaning now. I am more present in the moment rather than being in the past or in the future.

Because of "in a split second", anything can happen, I realise how important to always remember the Almighty, appreciate everyone around me, have good intention, complete all agreements and broken agreements and add value in everything I do.

How have your last two months been?

How have your last 2 weeks been?

How have your last 2 days been?

How have your last 2 hours been?

How does it make you be a better person today?

Are you prepared to go?

Are you well packed?

I pray that for the nikmat we received from the Almighty, we praise HIM and be grateful and when we are challenged, we be patient.

ciao

Izam

Top 100 things I am thankful for in 2009

2009-07-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

There are top 100 songs for the year, top 100 best seller books of the year, top 100 atheletes for the year and many more.

I thought of doing my own 'top 100' list. So I begin to list down the top 100 things I am thankful for in 2009.

This looks easy when I started.

After having written 30 things which I am thankful for, I had to think harder to really write what I am thankful for and mean them.

I tend to be very general in writing them down.

The easiest was when I wrote I am thankful for the life I have now.

Then the inner voice asked - what about your life you are thankful for...? Really...? In what way...?

Doing this simple list also, the mind provoke in ensuring there is essence.

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder...

What are your top 100 things you are thankful for?

I pray to the Almighty that all us are thankful for the many blessings that we are enjoying in our lives.

ciao

Izam

Half year is gone, where am I now?

2009-07-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

Subhanallah...

It has been 6 months into 2009, now is Rejab, then Syaaban, then Ramadhan (fasting month) and then Syawal (full of celebration), then it is time for Haj again & then there comes December 09.

All the "wish I would do more in 2009..." "things I should do in 2009..." "what renewed commitment for 2010..." will be present.

It is a cycle. Year in year out, I could almost predict my behaviour towards my goals. Being aware of this, I want this pattern to stop! Yeah, I can do it.

Now since I have 6 months to work on my plan, I want to make it happen.

I want to complete my new new website by December 09...

I want to complete the talk about book by December 09...

I want to complete my coaching certification and be an ICF trained Coach by November 09.

This is the time when I would look at the goals which I set at the beginning of the year and make a few choices.

For the goals which I have no more heart to continue (either because the gap between the target set and the current results are too far out or I do not really spend time on the goal, therefore no significant results etc...), I would drop the goal.

This is when the guilty feeling sets in. My internal dialogue would be busy justifying the reasons to drop the goals so that I will feel ok. :)

It is funny that no matter what my internal dialogue is, I would still feel unsettled.

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder...

My frame of mind at this point is being too 'significant' about me accomplishing the written goals. I have to reframe my mind to 'life is a game' and continue with what works and focus on them and ensure that it is aligned to my higher purpose.

This is the time where my mental strength has to be at its peak. It is like I am half way a marathon. I can't turn back as I had run a long way and there is another half distance to go. In my mind... quiting? continue? quiting? continue?

Rather than focus on these questions, I continue taking massive actions while I nurture my feelings.

Managing my thought and feelings are the keys to success in the coming period. The negative habitual thoughts have to go. It is the law of attraction.

In my review of my goals for 2009,

I am thankful that I achieved significant milestones in 2 of my 3 major goals. They are not exactly as I wrote but I declared that they are significant wins. :)

In the first goal, instead of achieving small monthly milestone like a step by step with an upward trend, I achieved a significant result in April 2009 which brings me closer to my 2009 goal. And I designed something which is useful for 2010 (this is not in the goal). I am blessed. Now, I am thinking on how I can generate leads, find a niche and position my brand while continue with the progress.

I lost sight of this goal again for a few weeks. Thanks to a great friend, he pulled me back on track. What I learn here is momentum is everything. I have to keep the momentum going.

For the second goal, I have achieved a significant milestone in the Public Relation Communication area to create visibility and impact. Still time to impact the bottom line by the year end. All these results in these areas so far happened because of the contributions and supports of a great committed team and many people who shared the dream and vision. Alhamdulillah I am not alone in this journey.

For this goal, the emotional roller coaster is high. There is something I am resisting internally and my body is reacting. Migraine & stomach upsets. I need to work on myself on this while continue with the activities as planned.

The biggest win is to see my 5 year old son writing clear alphabets within the lines, write numbers and speaking in full sentences. He can seat down (though it is not sitting still) and complete at least 2 pages of his school work. His attention span exceed 5 minutes. Yahoo! I am blessed.

He can't remember all the alphabets and numbers yet but hey... I am impressed with his progress in the last 6 months. The goal set in January to spend time with him regularly (playing, reading, writing and doing arithmatics) is bringing results now. I pray that by year end, he will be at par with his classmates if not better.

I declared that I will complete writing my book by year end. As I made the declaration to a lot of people, some are reminding me of this goal and giving me encouragement to complete the book. I am still far out but I am not giving up. I have the flow and I know what to do. I continue to gather the material and write. At the moment , I want to know what is my niche and brand positioning for the book? How can this book be of value to the reader.

I am aware that I spent less time nurturing myself in the last 2 months. The source of my strength comes from inside. I want to be back on track with my swimming, gym work out, reciting Quran and meditation. Where I do well in this area is I read at least a book a month. I am blessed that there are many insights which I got that supported me in my daily life. These insights became the foundation or the building block in all my goals.

For the coming 3 months, I want to keep an eye on the plan, get as much support I can get and continue motivating myself.

What about you?

Where are you now?

Are you still on track?

What are your thoughts and feelings?

What small wins you experienced in the last 6 months?

What are you thankful for in the last 6 months?

What are you looking forward to in the next 6 months?

What is your next step?

What would you do first thing Monday morning?

ciao
Izam

The key to a child's heart

2009-06-18T16:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Fathers Day...

Being a son and a dad, many thoughts crosses my mind on the memories of my interactions with my father and the journey I am going through now as a dad.

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

What will make me a dad who inspires my children to grow being a good muslim and will contribute to the world. I can make a list of many things I can do and also a list of what I am doing now.

Then I received this letter from my daughter.

"Happy Father's Day. Thankful to know when the landscape is shinning, when the warm winds are blowing and nature is fair. Thankful to find that your smile is still glowing. Thankful to know that your music is there. Thankful to know when the night sky is gleaming and breezes are colder. But sweeten the air. Thankful to feel your strong hand on my shoulder. Thankful to know that you always will care. Thank you for being the best father ever!!! sorry if I have done wrong to you..."

All the formula and tools to be the best dad suddenly disappear from my mind.

What I realise is that being a "PRESENT" father when I am with her matters most. What I mean by being present is that when I am with her, I am physically, mentally and emotionally present 100%.

I notice the same thing when I am "PRESENT" playing with my 5 year old son. I can see his joy and felt that he is being totally fulfilled compared to the time when I "have" to play with him. The efforts were the same and the results are different.

Alhamdulillah. I pray to Allah to guide me to the straight path.

Happy Father's Day.

Ciao
Izam

When is it too late...

2009-06-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

I am wondering...

That's right.

Is it too late?

When is it too late?

How do we know it is late?

What can I do now?

A friend has a 15 years old son who seems not interested to study hard. Going to school is a chore. He likes to hang out with his friends playing computer games and go to the malls.

One might asked -
Have you advice him? Done.
Have you tried using force? Done.
It worked for a day and the longest is a week.
In his mind, there is a fear that his son might run away from home.
So he has to not over doing it.

He asked:
"What should I do now?
Is it too late?
At the same time, I am managing all the other stuff like other kids and work.
All demand my attention."

I am not sure how to advice him. I supported him by listening.

As he was sharing, I learned a few things.

When both parents were busy with their own things, kids find their own things too, to fulfill their time.
When the kids are small, we let them play with PSPs for hours at home so that we can do our things.
The maid love it too as they can do the house work without any interference.
When they are slightly older, the kids have the internet games and chatting on line at home. We are ok with that as we can still do our own things.

What's important to parents?
As long as they are at school and producing the grades, we think we are raising them well.

Do we really...

Are the kids happy?

When they are 15 year and older, they seek happiness with friends as they can be fully self expressed & then with the change, we start being worried...

Is it too late...

My take...
I believe that things happen for a reason.
It is the child's life learnings and also mine.
I think it is never too late.
I would keep working on it - Pray - Seek forgiveness from Allah - Be Grateful - Be patient.
Sometimes it is not the child who needs to change, it is me.
For things to change, first I must change.

Try this on.

ciao
Izam

Do I notice the colours of my life

2009-06-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

I saw a friend being interviewed on TV one morning and I got attracted to his tie. If you look at the TV screen at a glance, the first thing you will notice will be his tie. Then only you will see the beautiful host and of course him.

This made me thinking. Not about the tie but the way I carry myself on daily basis.

What do people notice?

I am sure they noticed my behaviour and the way I carry myself everyday. I am very certain that I will not be aware of my behaviour much unless it is something out of the ordinary.

My frame of mind at any moment will be manifested by my behaviour or my communication.

Only when I notice the disempowering frame of mind, I have a choice to change it to the empowering frame of mind so that I can take positive action to reach my goal.

If I do not notice, I can do nothing.

Even if I notice, I may not change. Like I said, I have a choice and not to forget there are also consequences.

Do I notice the folowings:

I feel too significant?

I am in doubt?

I am trying?

I am blaming?

I am reacting?

I am delaying? to name a few...

When I know the above, then I can work on the strategy to shift...

From significant to just saying to myself that life is a GAME, and not too serious about everything. I will learn to loosen up a bit.

From doubting my action to TRUST self in executing the action.

From trying to COMMIT to getting it done, no matter what may be the outcome.

From blaming to taking personal RESPONSIBILITY to achieve the intended result.

From reacting to being RESPONSIVE to the environment

From delaying to taking ACTION as it impacted the result if it is being implemented late.

I realise that I am blessed to have friends who keep on telling me the trust about the state I am in with compassion and support me in shifting my frame of mind from the disempowering to empowering.

However, I also noted that I am stubborn at times and delay taking the necessary action. :)

And I realise also that having a coach is an excelent way to quickly identify my frame of mind and move me to the empowering state.

How about you?

Do you swing from one frame of mind from one to the other?

Do you swing from one disempowering frame to another disempowering frame OR you swing from the disempowering to the empowering one?

Typically, a person shift from disempowering frame to empowering frame when he/she has a goal to achieve and has a compelling reason to achieve it.

Assess yourself.

What are your frequent thoughts/behaviours now about "you and work" and about "you and your family" especially your spouse, parents (in-law included) and children.

ciao

Izam

Who am I when I am with you...

2009-05-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder...

Who am I when I am in communication with you.

Lets establish that communication in this context is wider than just verbal communication. It could be what I am doing, behaving, my thoughts etc. Even when I am in silence... I am communicating too.

There is always an intention when I am in communication or in interaction with anyone. Even when I am just saying that I have no intention and just wanna have a casual chat with you or any friends especially at Coffee Outlets or Teh Tarik Joints, it is still an intention.

I got a realisation after reading a book about who I am when I am with you and others.

First, I realise that there is an intention when I am in communication. The intention is always for the higher good like building a relationship or getting things done at work for the company. At home, it could be to ensure the things need to be handled are handled e.g. sending the kids to school.

Second, when I said that I am in communication to add value to others, I have two choices, honour the intention and not honour the intention.

When I honour the intention, that it is ok.

Third, when I do not honour the intention, there is a possibility that I may be treating you to serve only my purpose. This is when possibly many problems like blaming, justifying and being in denial could start. Certain emotion could also flare up like anger and upset.

And when I communicate with you or behave other than to serve the higher good intended earlier, I will naturally have 3 ways of seeing you, whether you are an obstacle, vehicle or irrelevant.

I will see you as a vehicle when you will support me to get what I want. Do you ever wonder when someone is too nice to you in a moment and he is not like that all the time?

I will see you as obstacle when you are in my way to get to what I want. How would you feel when everything you said is being challenged? By being in silence, it can also be challenging too.

I will see you as irrelevant when you are not important to me as you are not in my agenda to achieve my desired result. How would you feel when we are having a conversation and my mind is not with you? I know the feeling.

When I do this, I may be upsetting you or causing you to be angry.

I would have many reasons for my behaviour but it could be a vicious cycle as you and others could be reacting to me the same way too.

Since I could be the source, I would then go back to the intention for me being in communication with you and respond to how I can honour it.

Being aware of my intention and how I behave towards others are 2 great things to do now.

ciao.

Izam

I changed my attitude. Why aren't they changing their attitude too.

2009-05-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder...

"For things to change, first, I must change"

A friend had some challenges at work and wondering if it is true that for things to change, first I must change, what about if I change and others do not change around me.

I like the issue raised by this friend. I face the same challenges now and then.

When I make an attitude or behaviour change, I asked myself, why did I make the change. Is it for the higher good or only to serve my needs?

When I change and expect others to change too, I think that my change is temporary as the real intention is for others to change to suit my need. ;) This is a fixing game. I want to fix others so I made a temporary change. Even if it is permanent, I will not be satisfied as others around me do not change accordingly.

Now, looking at another angle...

For the statement "for things to change, first I must change" to work, there are other principles which have to be in place at the same time .

I believe that when there are challenges especially at work, 93% of the time it is because of the system problem and 7% is because of the people related problem.

By the word system, I mean are there processes in place so that the work can be done smoothly? The balance 7% are people problem. My view is that before I say that I have a problem with a person, I would check whether is there a system fault. I would review/rectify the system before I address the person.

In the example of the friend who is destressed, there are no system introduced at work to record all the instruction given and there are no minutes taken in meetings. Most of the instructions are given verbal. When this happen, it is easy to deny or change the instruction along the way. And this can also open to many interpretations.

When the friend change (for things to change, first I must change) by recording all the work instruction clearly with dates so that the work can be performed well. There is a missing link. The person who gave the instruction has to concur with the instruction given, so that he/she "agree to agree" too. When this is in place, there is a communication system being created.

When I change, I need to see the circumstances where I am changing my behaviour and attitude.

Changing in 'silo' does not help.

We need to be aware of the environment we are in and have to be 'street smart' to achieve our higher purpose.

So...

For things to change, First I must change is one of the most important principles that I learned as I only have control over my behaviour and attitude.

It would be good also for me to ensure that 'system' is in place in the environment I am operating.

ciao

Izam

Conditional Love

2009-05-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

It has been almost a month since my last posting to this blog. I was going through some emotional challenges. Now that I am clearer, I am ready to write again.

To my dear friends who called and wrote emails to me wondering what happen to the blog as it was not updated for a few weeks, I thank you for your concern.

A friend asked me a few questions.

1. What do we do when it is only us giving love and the other person is not giving love?

2. How much love should be given to a person, when the other person keeps ignoring it.

3. How to change the other party or me?

Wow.. tough questions. I am no expert in this 'love' subject.

What I do know is when I am committed to a relationship, love is in the space.

Let me share the topic from a different perspective. When I have any kind of expectation and it is not being fulfilled, I will be upset.

What do I do when I demonstrate the essence of 'love' and there is no response? I will look at my intention again. Is my act of giving love conditional i.e. what I do is just for me rather than for others as well? Which comes first - for me or for others?

I would also ask... what does love means to me? It may mean differently to different people. And I would ask the next 2 questions - What does love provide me? and when I have that, what does that provide me? By defining what love means to me and then knowing what love gives me, will tell me a bit about my values and my expectation.

I believe "For things to change, first I must change". Loving myself and working on myself by discovering my intention in loving others are good places to start.

I am starting now.

ciao
izam

How much have I put into practice after attending seminars

2009-04-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder...

Over the last 10 years, I have been attending many self help seminars. There are some seminars which I repeatedly go again over the years to review the teaching and learning. The intentions are to understand the distinctions deeper and anchor the learning. The seminars ranges from financial freedom related to self development.

After I invested time and money to attend all these seminars, what are the changes in me especially in my relationship with people around me (such as my spouse, children, parents, colleagues, friends, relatives and people in general) and my relationship with money?

In the past I would concur that when I attended these programs, I would 'hope' that I will change in the program and my life after the program would work or I be 'happily ever after'.

Then I realised that these training only provide me with the awareness and tools. I need to practise what I have learnt so that it will become permanent. When I put the learning into practice, I would know what new details are required to understand the subject deeper and also to understand the finer distinctions about my 'way of being'.

Here are some of the questions which I asked myself after any training:

1.What have I gotten from the training?

2.What do I understand about myself from the training?

5.How are my relationships at work and in my life after the training?

6.How have I applied the principles learnt at work and in my life?

7.How have I reinforce the learning at work and in my life?

When I put the learning into practice, I would also ask the following questions regularly in assessing my relationship with the people around me.

These questions allow me to reflect on my 'way of being'.

1.What have I accomplished?

What were my biggest disappointments?

3.What worked & what did not?

4.What did I learn?

5.What can I do differently now?

Try answering the questions. Maybe you can learn a few things about yourself.

ciao

Izam

Heart at Peace and Heart at War

2009-04-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

I am wondering...

1. after helping someone - why there are times, I am not feeling good about the assisting.

2. after a great conversation with my spouse, friends, colleagues, families, etc - why I may not feel good about the conversation later.

3. after a great job done at work - why there are times, I don't feel good about my accomplishment.

4. after spending sometime with my kid - I may not feel satisfied with what I have done.

And there are many more examples of these good behaviours, yet I feel as if my heart is at war rather than be at peace. My heart feels unsettled.

That's right.

I am wondering how I created these feelings.

I realise the possiblilities...

When I was helping that someone and I did not feel good about the assisting later, I possibly have ME in mind rather than him/her even when I have a good intention.

My behaviour is seen to be helping but the purpose is to serve my hidden intention of wanting to be acknowledged or recognised.

When I have a great conversation with people and don't feel good about the conversation later, again, I possibly may have ME in mind instead of being fully present to the moment.

I am interested only in what I have to say and what they think about what I said than wanting to be present to what others are saying.

When they speak, my mind wonders or thinking what would I say next. When it is my turn to speak, I am in the conversation again. My behaviour is seen to be caring, sharing and participative, the other purpose also could be to show that 'I am better than' or 'I need the attention'.

When I have done a great job at work and don't feel good about my accomplishment, yes, you are right, I possibly have ME in mind instead of focusing on the benefit to others in me completing the job.

My behaviour is seen to be a person who is responsible and committed but the purpose could also be to proof to others that I am good and smart or to look good in the eyes of the bosses and colleagues or to seek acknowledgement and recognition.

When I spent time with my kids and don't feel satisfied or joy after that, and again, you are right, I have ME in mind instead of the kids.

It is possible that I am focus in satisfying my sense of feeling gulity for not spending time with them as much as I intended to or I am spending time with the kids to fulfil an obligation as written on my to do list.

My behaviour possibly to satisfy a need to do 'the right thing' as expected from a parent and I avoid 'looking bad' when I do not spend enough time with the kids.

What are your thoughts?

Have you ever been in such a state?

Many times when I seem to be adding value to people, I may also have other needs which I am trying to fulfil. The moment I am aware or notice these other possible intentions, I am free of these other needs.

When I am free, I will be able to choose to realign my intention with my behaviour so that I will have a heart at peace.

What I learn for myself from this sharing is that when I only focus on ME, my heart could be at war.

When my heart is at war, the need for acknowledgement, wanting to look good or avoiding looking bad, when it is fulfilled, will not be enough. I keep wanting more.

There will be no end and I will be mentally and emotionally pondering about it.

However, when my focus and attention are genuinely on others, their well being and their successes, my heart will be at peace whatever the outcome is.

I invite you to ponder... :)

There is nothing wrong about feeling the above. I am just challenging my thoughts.

Ultimately we are here to serve Allah, our family, mankind and also ourselves.

ciao
Izam

The knowing & doing gap

2009-04-05T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this.

I know many things. I am sure you do too.

For example, I read about what it takes to be successful in this world and hereafter & yet I am not doing at the rate that I want or I should.

I know the best way to raise a kid is by teaching, guiding and showing them good example.

I know the best leader practise what they preach rather than just telling people what to do.

I know in order to have the best out of your relationship, you have to be the best spouse.

I know that I make a declaration everyday in my prayers that my life in this world and in the hereafter is because of the Almighty.

I know that a well performed and on time prayers will shape my behaviour & character.

I believe what behaviour or response I want from others, I have to demonstrate it first.

There are moments where I go into the advice mode, telling people what to do.

I have also been in instances where I tell stories about how something is done or how best something would be done in order to make it work.

There are times when I am not doing what I know in order to achieve the results desired.

So what is the truth? I could be procrastinating, I could be comfortable where I am, there could be fear in taking the first new step or I enjoy being in this state of not having to take any action.

This will be a trap which may bind me when I am not feeling totally fulfilled with my life. And if I do not feel anything, I may be in denial. :) Good to be aware and do a self check.

Dr Michael Hall said: “This knowing & doing gap comes from confusing true action with deceptive substitutions that only give the impression of doing. We take a pre-action and consider it an actual action. When the action does not actually lead to performance, it is not an action."

I might be in the above state too and not realising it.

I love reading books and attending seminars. What I realise is that when I know more stuff and not practicing them, the more paralysed I get because of the knowing doing gap.

I remembered someone told me - when a person knows a lot of things and not practising it, he is just like a camel carrying lots of books wondering around with no purpose.

By constantly being aware of the state of my knowing doing gap and start practising it little by little, will close the gap. Walking the talk is also a good practice.

What do you think?

How wide is your knowing doing gap?

ciao

Izam

Say goodbye to the First Quarter 2009 - Still on track to achieve 2009 goals?

2009-04-03T02:38:00.000-07:00

I want to write on this as this is the most difficult subject to write on.

"Results never lie" & "Action speaks louder than words"... a friend kept on reminding me.

Seeing the truth, especially the gap between what I want and what I am doing on daily basis makes me wonder, am I for real in wanting to achieve some of my written goals.

What I learned about me when I review my performance in the last 3 months are - that some of the goals which I have written down are being written down because it is nice to have. The desire and commitment are not that high in wanting to achieve those results but it is good to read on paper that I have such goal. Who am I kidding?

Having a written life purpose and written goals at the beginning of the year 2009 are easy to do. Now having to honour the personal commitments and declarations made to self are an uphill task. Urgh...

I am beginning to be aware of my pattern in pursueing my life purpose and goals.

Reviewing my goals for 2009 and what I have accomplished in the first quarter, I noticed that there are some goals which I am 'on the track' rather than on track. :)

There are 3 major goals and 4 minor goals set for 2009.

My focus this month is to renew my commitment to my goals and review how I am utilising my time effectively.

I am 'on the track' for 1 of my major goal and only achieve 50% of my other 2 major goals.

I am disappointed with my commitment and efforts spent in one of my major goal. What I learned is that I need to be more focus and have deliberate smaller goals each month.

I want to increase the time spent on the other 2 goals. I saw myself not utilising the 'spare' time effectively and I celebrated my small wins too long. There are some time wasting slots in the last 3 months.

And I noticed that for one month I lost sight of my goals and just going through the motion and hope to achieve some progress. There were lack of conviction and tenacity. More like they are my 'convenient' goals.

The minor ones:-

Work on myself - I achieve 20%. I want to increase my effort here as I know that by working on myself will increase my strength in pursueing my major goals.

To spend time doing the school work with my son - I achieve 15%. I noticed that I have many excuses for not doing it and I saw that it is more of my lack of commitment more than not making the time. I am renewing my commitment here.

Writing a number of articles in my blog - I only achieved 10%. I am reviewing this. I think my target was too high. I cut down the number of postings to 6 to 8 a month.

There are other goals which I have written done and only done when convenient.

The word 'convenient' and not utilising the 'spare' time effectively are glaring in this review.

I hope by sharing this will help you in looking at your goals and your action soonest possible. I want all of us to win.

Tips in you reviewing your goals:

1. What have you achieved to date in the last 3 months? - What happen? What did not happen? What else? What works? What did not?

2. What are you upset about? What can you learn? What else? What can you do differently now?

3. What new or renew commitment you say to yourself?

4. What are your April targets?

5. What is the next step?

Good luck.

ciao

Izam

With Commitment comes Passion (revisited)

2009-03-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

Interesting topic to ponder. That's right.

What is passion? Is it acquired? Is it something which we discover from inside out? Are we born with it? or Is it something we discover as we go through our life journey?

If you do know, what would it be?

In wikipedia - Passion means "feeling very strongly about a subject or person, usually referring to feelings of intense desire and attraction, be very passionate about something".

I sometime say - "This is my passion. or "I am pursueing my passion." Recently a friend said "I am searching for my passion then I will go for it all the way".

So... is it a Being, Doing or Having question?

This makes me wonder. It is a good thing to wonder. ;0)

A few years ago, I was coached on this.

My thinking then was - when I found something I am passionate about, I will do it & I will be happy.

There is another question - how do we get passionate about something? There are times when even when I said that I am pursueing my passion, not much being done on it. I work on it when convinient and did not study in depth about the subject. It stayed at 'passion' in words and no action to support it. : (

This is what I learnt at the coaching session:

I was told that I have to be committed to the subject matter then only passion will be there. How do I show my commitment? By taking massive actions. When I heard this, I laughed. :)

I realise that when I said that I am passionate about something & there is no or lack of commitment and without significant actions mean that I am not yet passionate about it.

I gather the formula is Commitment + Action = Passion. And the bonus is Mastery. You will be a master in the subject.

I remembered when I started my photography. I bought a camera & a speedlight. I did not read the manual in detail, did not go to any classes and only take some photos. I claimed that I am passionate about photography. :)

Compared to a friend who said the same thing - he researched topics on photography in the net, study the works of many master photographers, read many books on camera, photography & lightings and took thousands of photos. This is passion. I declare that he is a master in photography. I can listen to him sharing about his photography for hours and I will be touched, moved and inspired by his work. Go to http://therighteye.wordpress.com/ and http://www.flickr.com/photos/righteye/ to view his work.

So... BE committed and DO the action are required to HAVE passion.

POST COMMENT:

I have a lot of people making comments on the above article to my private email. I thank you. I acknowledge all of you for your stand in getting the distinction on PASSION in your life.

I want to add here another formula :) to the above formula.

Passion will be in the air when you do what you WANT to do, CAN do, FIT to do & ENJOYS doing it.

Live with PASSION!

ciao

Izam

"Someday in the future" conversation...

2009-03-24T01:35:00.000-07:00

It crosses my mind once in a while. I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

Over the years in my career, in discussions with friends, colleagues, consultants and business associates, I have heard some of us at one point of time or another would say to ourselves - "I am just here in this department, business, job or career for a while or a few years. I will be moving on to something better or something different later."

I notice sometimes that I have this conversation in my mind. The question here is not about me moving to something better or something else later. It is about when I am in where I am now, am I present to the job/business or I am in a "someday in the future" conversation?

I am sure all of us have dreams and goals too. I have goals and passion in life which I am pursueing. I acknowledge my purpose in life. However what I realise is that when I am in the state of thinking about the future too much, there is anxiety and it may affect me being in the NOW.

Two questions which I asked myself are - What will be the level or commitment in the present and am I present to the task at hand? and What is the level of commitment in the "someday in the future"?

The trap could be, I am not focus in the current commitment or task and I want to focus in the "someday in the future" possible commitment, however since it is in the future, not much can be focused on now AND I might end up not focusing in anything at all. Even when I am focus now, is it with convinction?

Will we be present at home with the family - with the spouse, the kids, the parents, etc? What about in the business? What about at work? What about when you are enjoying your recreation? What about when you are reading the newspapers, magazines and books, where do your mind wonder in this context?

Wow... interesting discovery :).

To avoid my mind go wondering to the "someday in the future" too much, I focus on the goal and task at hand in smaller chunks. Taking one step at the time without losing focus in the bigger goal and my personal mission. I pray to the Almighty to guide me in my every step of my journey.

What about you? What is your "someday in the future"conversation if you have one? How do you stay focus and committed to NOW?

ciao

Izam

The Global Crisis - much that appear creating 'stress' may be a blessing

2009-03-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

Almost everyone I met can summarise what is happening to the world economy now.

There are some of our friends and relatives being out of jobs and others who run businesses struggle to make ends meet or even the business is failing. And there are some of us who are still fortunate to have our business going and have jobs.

We are worried of what will happen to us in the future, at least in the near future.

I think that what is happening now has messages for all of us. It could be different for each one of us. But... there is a message. Like in everything we do, there are learnings and experiences to ponder upon.

Are we listening to the messages... with our heart? Why all these things happening NOW in our 'world' or in our 'space'? More importantly what blessing can we recognise from this occurrence.

I read this in the book 'Don't Be Sad'.

1. Upon being crippled, Ibn Atheer had the opportunity to complete his two famous books - "Jam 'ey al-Usool" and "An-Nihayah".

2. As-Sarakhi wrote his acclaimed book "Al-Mabsoot", all 15 volumes of it while being imprisonment at the bottom of the well.

And also if I remember correctly, Buckminister Fuller wrote great books e.g. 'Critical Path' and had many patents (Geodesic dome design is one of them) under his names after he refrained himself from commiting suicide because of the death of his daughter.

Another example - one of my relatives was a hotel manager 10 years ago. Got laid off. To support the family, I remembered he sold nasi lemak at pasar malam. The years were difficult for the family with school going children. Ten years on, now, he is contracted to manage a hotel. He is doing great. Alhamdulillah.

Today, a car knocked into my car because of brake failure. The back bumper of my car got dented. I got really stressed. I remembered this blog which I am writing halfway. I acknowledge that I am upset and angry. What happen happened.

I am sure there is a learning for me here. I have to send the car for repair and have to rely on the public transport for a few days. I can complain about it or feel blessed that I was ok. Should he drive at a faster speed and knocked on to my car, I could be injured or worst. I choose to feel blessed that no one was hurt. Only both cars need repairing.

Coming back to the Global Crisis, how often do I reflect or contemplate on the 'Nikmat' or blessings given by Allah to me. Do I remember to thank Allah when I am doing ok and when I am being 'tested', am I patient or 'sabar'?

I kept reminding myself - continue doing my best in all circumstances. The rest I leave it to the Almighty.

I invite you to join me to reflect and contemplate on the blessings or 'Nikmat' given by Allah the Al Rahman. Patience has it virtue. I believe something great is waiting for all of us in the future if not sooner from this Global Crisis.

ciao
Izam

The journey home...

2009-03-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

I am wondering and it is a good thing to wonder.

Many people shared about creating the future, the future we are living into. A bit like the American Dream and the land of possibilities.

There are so many books written on becoming a better person and creating wealth. Even in the movies, we are exposed to many feel good movies so that we are creating the life we want to live.

I have been thinking...

What about the preparation for the life we will be going into - the hereafter? What kind of preparation required? When do we prepare? After the age of 55? When we retire? When all our children have completed the universities and married? Do we have the luxury of time? Will the current 'amalan' or deeds which I am doing enough?

These are the questions in my mind now in searching for 'Jalan Kembali' or the journey home. I am created by the Almighty and to Him I return.

Before going 'home', will I continue taking stocks? e.g. preparing me & my family with Ehsan, Iman and Islam, preparing the will, complete all agreement/promises and broken agreement/promises and say what needed to be said to the people around me. When is the right time? Now is. :)

And in the same breath, enjoying the life I am blessed with now.

What triggered these questions were a journal written by a guy who died of cancer at the age of 39 in 2005. He got to know about his terminal cancer 6 months earlier and he shared his preparation in facing death.

ciao

Izam

What past successes means...

2009-03-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I have challenges writing in this blog at present.

I have been getting good reviews from friends and relatives regarding my blog. And this makes me wants to write better and clearer. I recognised that when I am in this state, I am using my past successes in creating my future and I am not in the present.

As I opened my blog over the last one month, I have this thought about inspiring others via my blog and what should I write to achieve the intention. Honestly, by being in that state, i am not authentic in my writing. When I felt this inauthenticity, i can't write. I am writing to impress people rather than impart my experiences and learnings.

I remembered the flipchart - 'Interesting vs Interested'. I was being 'interesting' and not being 'interested' in the people reading my blog. Instead of focusing on what people can get out of my sharing (interested), I am being 'looking good' & wanting to know what people would comment on my article (interesting).

Astaghfirullah... I thank Allah for this realisation and I am back writing from the heart. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

What I learned...

My past perceived successes were in the way for me to create something new. Creation happen from 'nothingness'. I can take the experiences and learnings from the past and not the emotions.

I got the para below from a friend's email and I think it is relevant.

"Imam Ibnul Qayyim (rahimahullaah) states in Al Fawaa-id that Ibn Sad (rahimahullaah) mentions in At Tabaqaat about Umar Bin Abdul Azeez (rahimahullaah) that:
Whenever he delivered a khutbah on the mimbar, and feared being amazed by himself; he would terminate it (i.e. the khutbah)
And whenever he wrote a letter and feared amazement by way of it; he would tear it.
And he would say: ''O Allaah! I seek refuge in you from the evil of my nafs.''
Source: Al Fawaa-id of Imaam Ibnul Qayyim (rahimahullaah) (page: 225) "

ciao

Izam

Success & Sacrifices (Tiada kejayaan tanpa perjuangan; tiada perjuangan tanpa pengorbanan)

2009-03-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

There is no SUCCESS without a BATTLE; and there is no BATTLE without a SACRIFICE...

These words have been playing in my mind for the past 4 days after I attended a Forum Perdana in Seremban. The Ustazah said it with conviction and full of energy... "Jangan mimpikan kejayaan tanpa perjuangan dan jangan mimpikan perjuangan tanpa pengorbanan".

Those words stuck with me. I just cannot get these words out of my mind. As usual, I reflect on the words and how they relate to my life.

I want many things in my life. I want to be successful in my career, I want to be good at my coaching skills, I want to have a good relationship with my family, I want to travel, I want my kids to do well at schools, I want to increase my understanding my religion and make it the way of life...I want this, I want that...

In defining my successes, I wonder... how much effort I have put in and how much have I persevered in pursuing these dreams. Have I instilled the "do what ever it takes" attitude in my actions?

I am spending many hours in my career and my quest for knowledge in human development. Is this a good measurement of the fighting spirit in the battle to pursue excellence? I doubt it.

Efforts are important. Results are even more important and they never lie. How much sacrifices have I made in pursuing my dreams?

I recognised that there are 2 types of 'sacrifice'. 'Convenient' Sacrifice & 'Sacrifice' Sacrifice :) . It sounds funny. It is the truth. You and I know it. At times I may think that I have given my all, but it is conditional and at my convenience. Of course there are times, I gave my all.

I studied for exams, put in the hours, I 'sacrifice', really?

I spend time pursuing excellence in my career, put in the hours, I 'sacrifice', really?

I seek Allah forgiveness. I thank Allah for enlightening me.

I imagine the sacrifices Rasullullah S.A.W. made in spreading Islam about 1430 years ago. The inner self battle and the physical battle in order to achieve results (successes).

I acknowledge that to win a battle, I need to sacrifice.

Being in a comfortable life is the enemy of a good life. Being in a good life is the enemy of a great life.

I want a great life in this world and in the hereafter. What are my sacrifices?

What is success to you?

What are your inner and outer battles?

What are your sacrifices?

I pray that you win big and be happy.

No pain, no gain.

Go for it.

Fight for it.

And WIN in this life journey.

ciao

Izam

Amazing Rat Race

2009-02-20T20:16:00.000-08:00

It cross my mind now and then. I am wondering whether others experience the same too. It is a good thing to wonder.

I run. I stop to refuel at the pit stop. I run again, faster. I stop at the next pit stop to refuel. Then I run even faster. This cycle happen over and over again. As I run, people around me running too. Some people run slower & some people run faster.

At the next pit stop & I asked myself. "Hey, where is the finishing line". I asked the people around me. "Do you know where is the finishing line?" One guy replied "I don't know. Since everyone is running, I run lah." I asked another lady "When do you stop running?" She replied "I don't know. Maybe I run until the day I die."

This is my Amazing Rat Race...

Home:
The eyes are on the next house to buy as the current house is too small. Possibly wanting to do a minor/major renovation of the house instead. Then another wish is moving from a landed property to an apartment. At the same time, looking for the next investment in landed property because wanting to ensure each of the children has a home.

Car:
From not having a car to having one. From the current car to a different, better or bigger car.

Children Education Fund:
From the savings to send the kids to a local university to savings to send them to oversea university.

Lifestyle:
From travelling locally to travelling overseas for holidays. Joining clubs for networking or social reasons. Buying the next watch model to add to the many collections. Change the clothes to be updated with the current trend. To have the latest mobile phone and the latest laptop are always in the mind.

Career or business:
Moving from one job experience to another. Moving from one industry to another. Expanding the business. Diversifying the business. Looking for more opportunities.

Education:
From one degree to another degree, then the master degree & possibly a PHD. Collect certificates in some other specialised trainings.

Where do I draw my finishing line...

These are the steps I would take now while running.

I would evaluate my intention in all my actions above and draw an imaginary finishing line.

I would run even faster if the intention is to add value. I will not stop running when the intention is for my kids to get a chance to study abroad.

The world is changing like the speed of thought. Learning is a life time journey. Knowing more stuff is an asset. As long as I am not collecting certificates to justify my self worth, i will continue learning new things. Applied knowledge has great power. I will be of contribution at work and in business. Wisdom comes from variety of life and work experiences too. When I add value to people and business, my motivation to do more increases.

Sometimes I want to be pampered and acknowledge myself for the great work that I have done. This is where the lifestyle comes in the picture. I only have to be aware that I am not enjoying the lifestyle at the expense of the important things in my life like ensuring my kids get good education.

The journey continues...

ciao
Izam

You are greater than who you think you are...

2009-02-17T21:16:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wonder and it is a good thing to wonder...

How magnificent being you are? How you have created and designed you life till now? What are your wins? Think back from when you were a kid till now... what have you accomplished in designing your life the way it is and the way it is not?

We tend to say... "Nothing much". Compared to what?

You can do a process like below. It would be good if there is someone assisting you to read out the instructions below.

Smile when you found any magnificent event. :)

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Let it go slowly. Relax your body. Imagine you are in a tiny space ship travelling back to the past. Ignore any self judgement and comparison, your mind is trying to make. Travel at a slow speed looking for events when you were in your power in creating and designing your life.

At every event:

what do you see?

What do you hear?

How do you feel?

What can you learn about you that make you magnificent?

Keep travelling slowly...

When you are in your 50s... when are you magnificent? Creating and designing your life.
What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? What do you like about yourself?

Moving further into the past...

When you are in your 40s... when are you in your power creating your destiny?
What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? What do you like about yourself?

Any other thoughts that comes to mind... just say... "thank you for sharing". Imagine it disappears in the thin air.

Keep travelling slowly...

When you are in your 30s... When are you so full of ideas and strength to cause transformation in your life?

What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? What do you like about yourself?

Deeper into your youth...

When you are in your 20s... When are you in your elements where the spirit is failure is not an option? You take actions all the time.

What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? What do you like about yourself?

Going into your childhood days...

When you are in your teens... When are you adventures discovering new thing and make new friends? You are not alone.

What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? What do you like about yourself?

Deeper into your fun and carefree days....

Keep travelling slowly...

When you are a kid... What are the wishes which you commanded and you get them? Your request is so intentional and full of essence.
What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? What do you like about yourself?

When you have completed the journey to the past until the last moment of magnificence remembered, you turn back the spaceship and come back to now.

Open your eyes and stretch your body.

How do you feel now? What new things do you learn about yourself now?

Knowing what you know now that you are so much more than you think (after the little time taken to travel back to the past), what would you focus your energy on to create you reality NOW.

ciao
Izam

Feeling stuffed...

2009-02-16T03:11:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been suffocated with the stuff around you? It feels like it is too much too handle at one time. Nothing seems to work even when you have given your all. At times you can't even think straight. The people around you do not seem to understand what you are going through. All you can say is "help!!''.

At times we do feel this way.

The thing to recognised is that the mind and feelings are overloaded with too many things wanting our attention at the same time. We have datelines and things which need our attention immediately. Our emotion also demands attention at the same moment.

In this situation, the mind will be very busy and we may have judgements and perceptions of the people surrounding us.

One thing for sure, when I am in this state, the mind blocks any well wishes and good advices.

What do I do? I will try whatever works. :) Not always successful though. Ha... ha...

Questions that came to my mind - how do I create this occurrence in my life? For things to change, first I must change. What have I not change yet? What is incongruent between my Being and my Behaviour?

Well, I do not have all the answers to the above questions immediately nor knowing whether they are the right answers or not.

Asking the question is a good start.

ciao

Izam

The clash of two thoughts

2009-02-12T02:18:00.000-08:00

What is it in for me (WIIIFM) & How can I contribute?

This is a fundamental pattern in our mind whether we are aware or not. Which comes first? Thinking of what we are going to get or how can we give to add value. :)

At times we may hide behind the WIIFM in the spirit of adding value. The test is if there is a change of plan or things do not go your way, do y0u get easily upset.

The behaviour says it all.

A bit of Sirah...

The last words by Rasulullah S.A.W before wafat - "Umati, Umati, Umati" in arabic. In malay "Umat ku, Umat ku, Umat ku" and in english "My people, My people, My people". Rasulullah has the people in mind, even in that state.

I know you are wondering and it is a good thing to wonder. Where ever you are at, it is a good space to be.

ciao

izam

upset @ attention, acknowledgement or recognition unfulfilled

2009-02-10T23:44:00.000-08:00

Do you get easily upset when someone commented on your work? Are you upset only when "that someone important to you" commented or are you upset when anyone commented?

A team was working on a project, putting their heart & soul into the work. Instead of receiving acknowledgement or recognition for the work done, they were criticised and received negative remarks. The whole team were feeling down and the work got affected for a short while.

I think these happen to some people at one point of time or another.

In general, some people may do things to seek attention, acknowledgement or recognition knowingly or not. When they do not get it, they get upset. It is like a drug. The more they get it, the better they perform.

It is ok to seek attention, recognition or acknowledgement and there is nothing wrong for feeling upset. It is just that we need to recognise where we are coming from.

As we are growing up, we do need attention, acknowledgement and recognition. Words like "well done" and "I am proud of you" make a child move mountains. It is the same with us adult.

However it is good to look at it again once in a while so that we are not addicted with this external validation.

This is the moment where I may go into my feelings and have conversations like the feeling of not good enough, questioning whether I have done the best I could, what else I can do, did I do the right thing, what else others are saying about me, how do I justify my work and many more self defeating conversations.

In the above situation, I acknowledge that the mind may go wild. No one wants to look bad.

When I am upset, I would assess the whole situation again and my inner self.

Was I clear with the goal set?

What was my intention in the whole scheme?

Am I in integrity with the efforts I put in?

Have I given my all in the project?

Am I congruent?

The inner voice will be the guide and tell me the truth. Maybe there is something in my feelings which I need to work out.

It is good to check and recheck our feelings, seek forgiveness from Allah and pray that we are doing the right thing and are shown the right path. Amin.

Do you feel the same? What do you do about it?

ciao
Izam

Do we need to release all our 'blocks' now?

2009-02-10T03:24:00.000-08:00

I was sharing on the topic of "Do the 'blocks' in your life impact your way of being" over the weekend.

Someone asked me a question. "How do I release all my blocks?" I shared with her what I usually do to work on my 'blocks' and gave her all the possible tools to work on, in releasing the blocks. When the session is over, I felt incomplete with my answers.

Given a choice, of course I would like to change all the negative blocks or pattern in my life to the positive ones now.

Do I have to change or make good all the weaknesses in my life now? And why do I want to change it?

Let me share with you one of my experiences.

I used to have a shopping pattern. I shop when I am happy and I shop when I am depressed. I went shopping more often when I am depressed. :)

Why did I want to change my shopping pattern and where is the root of this behaviour?

I got it last night that I am willing to work on my 'block' which is in the way to get what I want.

I worked on the 'block' in my shopping behaviour because I want to start saving for the future and I was tired with my retail debt. The tiredness of having to pay the credit card company really motivated me to wanting to change.

The first step is having a goal (pull factor) - want to start saving for children education. The second step - the desire to change. Having a goal and not wanting to change do not work. The 'push' motivation is the tiredness in having to pay the credit card company.

The 'block' which I worked on:

When I was a kid, my dad provided me with my schooling pocket money and my grandmother gave me additional pocket money to buy what I want.

When I started working, I did not realise that the pay cheque from the job was just like the schooling pocket money given by my dad. I use the money to pay all my bills and needs. What about my 'want'? I was shocked when I recognised that I treated my credit card just like how I spent the additional pocket money given by my grandmother.

Scary.

A bit of background on 'Blocks'.

Blocks could be the filters or patterns in our lives which govern the behaviour.

Typically they are formed based on (among others):

1. our experiences in the past

2. our perception on things, people and life

3. the books we read and the movie we watched

4. our point of view

5. the life principles we uphold

Any of the above which contributed well in your way of being is not called a block.

In essence, this is what I got for me.

1. I have to have a goal or desired result.

2. I look at the pattern in me which stop me from achieving the result.

3. I identify the source (block) and work on the emotion. (Sound simple & yet not so easy)

ciao

Izam

January almost over...11 months to go, is your eye still on your 2009 goal?

2009-01-25T16:49:00.000-08:00

In late December 2008, everyone was busy thinking of what goal to set in 2009. Then came 1 January 2009... most people have their goals set for 2009.

I am like that too. I eagerly set my goals for 2009 before 1 Jan 2009. It took great effort to review my accomplishments and disappointments in 2008 and then set the goals for 2009. The challenging part is now getting into the momentum of execution to achieve the goals.

I am reminding myself to check and review my progress in January 2009 so that I am on track to achieve my goals in 2009.

Some are monthly activity goals and some are annual target goals. I will ensure that my monthly goal is completed and there are progresses in my annual goals and not to wait till it is too late to do anything to achieve the goals.

In reviewing the goals, I am also reflecting whether some of the goals are the goals which I really want or it is just good to have it written down. This is the toughest task as all looked nice to have and important.

I set 7 broad goals in 2009 with detailed deliverables and 3 of the broad goals are major focused goals.

I have not been to the gym this month. This goal of going to the gym twice weekly in January is not being achieved. Do I still want to go to the gym or I just want to focus in swimming 2 times weekly?

The rest are on track. I have to admit that I am dragging my feet in January 2009. Urgh... Come on Izam, you can do it!

What about you - are you on track?

ciao
Izam

The beauty in all the people around us

2009-01-24T00:35:00.001-08:00

Have you ever wonder the beauty of the people around you? All of them?

There is good in everyone.

I saw a behaviour in me recently which made me reflected in all the years I have interacted with people.

My communication with the people I like, who performed well at work, achievers, close buddies and with the people whom I have some needs from them would be different to the communication with the people whom I have no interest in.

I am embarased to share my past in this area.

All of the people that came into my life have their beauty. It is just that I am looking at them from my value system which could be deceiving. I should respect and love them the way they are and the way they are not.

I noticed that when I find the beauty in them, I will work better with them and have no negative judgement about them. From this space, communication gets better and result will be achieved with less drama.

I was so grateful that I saw this old behaviour early before I hurt more people unintentionally and able to change the behaviour now.

Try it on.

ciao
Izam

The beauty of 'Intention'

2009-01-15T05:03:00.000-08:00

Have you ever start something with a clear intention? How do you feel about it, in the end when it is done?

I have learned 'the power of intention' from many masters and after reading many books. There is something to it but I cannot understand the application of it until lately.

I was with a few people working on a project and I was angry and upset over many things which other members were doing. We were not achieving the results in the time allocated. I kept on complaining about others and not looking at me and how have I contributed to the matter. I asked myself why am I behaving this way. This behaviour made me tired and lost focus.

Then I realised that I was more interested in what others are doing and having them to do it right, the way I want them to do it rather than wanting all to win i.e. achieving the goal or intention.

When I renewed my commitment on the intention which is to deliver the result in the time allocated, somehow my energy shifted. I went from running a 'racket' (i.e. persistently complaining on the same thing without changing myself) to the state of 'doing what ever it takes' to get the desired outcome.

My view of the team suddenly changed. I saw that everyone was doing their best the way they know how. What we needed were frequent interactions or alignments so that we are on track and all issues are addressed early.

This is the beauty of 'intention'.

I make declarations of intentions in most of my tasks and responsibilities. I keep on revisiting my commitment to the intention so that I will be strong in going through any challenges, self doubt or 'ego play'.

These are some of my other intentions muscles which are being built:

1. In me doing my prayers, my intentions are to build my character and be closer to Allah. With this intentions, I will look forward to each prayer time.

2. In me spending 20 minutes every day teaching my 5 years old son to read and write, my intention is for him to have a bright future. I did not get distracted by his playfulness during the study session.

3. In me visiting my daughter at her school every weekend, my intentions are to bond with my daughter and provide her with emotional support.

4. In me building a halal & toyyib business, my intention is to nourish the future generation with good food.

What intentions do you have in your daily activities? Do you see the beauty in them?

When I have a clear intention, the actions seems to be effortless. I acknowledge that there are a lot of work and challenges yet fun.

ciao
izam

Wanting the 'best' for our children - is it for them or for us?

2009-01-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

Is our children re-living the past which we never had or re-living our past which we treasure?

I remembered during my growing up days, I have time to do almost everything and there is still lots of time to spare.

Nowadays, kids go to school as early as 3 years old, start tuition as early as 6 years old, go to these classes as early as 4 years old - piano lesson, karate class, taekwando class, tennis lesson, golf lesson, english and math classes, other learning skills, english and mathematics classes, school holidays motivation classes, religious class and many more on top of the daily school activities.

Gosh... I wonder how my daughter cope with a fraction of the above activities in the time that she has. Then I begin to wonder and it is a good thing to wonder.

In all the things that I want to expose her with the intention of providing her the best education and personal development, how many of those activities are inserted in order to make up of the things which I did not manage to go through when I was a kid for what ever reason or those activities mentioned above are the activities which I went through and I want my kids to go through the same path like I did because it worked for me.

The question I asked myself is is she re-living my past for me where I was not able to enjoy or I want her to be like me. Am I burdening her?

I only want to make sure that she enjoys what she is doing and she will do her best.

When I am aware of this possible hidden agenda that I might have, I relook at all the things which my daughter is doing now and I work through my feelings and declare that the things which she is doing is for her growth and not for me.

Another journey for me is to assess the 'growth template' which I used for the first child and whether it is applicable to my other kids. As at now... the same development model does not work. The younger one is different and too playful. :)

ciao

Izam

Have you ever wonder - how busy is your internal conversation?

2009-01-14T03:06:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wonder and it is a good thing to wonder...

How busy is your mind chatter in your daily life?

Have you counted your thought or your mind chatter in a day?

Are those conversation serving you well?

Aren't you tired?

I am aware that my internal dialogue is very busy at times. The only difference between me and a 'mad' man is that I chat in my mind and the 'mad' man verbalise his thought or internal conversation. :)

When I have a conversation with someone, I might have two conversations. One which I verbalise to the other person in the conversation and another which I am chatting with myself.

And...

I do have a conversation with myself too when I am alone especially

1. when i see things when I am driving,

2. remember an unfinished business,

3. thought of someone and what I need to say to the person,

4. thinking of what I want to do,

5. simulating a meeting with someone which has not happen

and many more instances. I am constantly thinking and having these conversations.

Questions - are all these questions adding value to the goal or result I want to achieve or these conversations are just 'dramas' created in my mind.

Sometimes I am so tired thinking and having a conversation on something which has not happen or debating on unresolved issues.

I have a choice to magnify the 'plot' in the 'mind drama' or minimise it. No points for guessing as I am sure you know that it is more exciting to magnify the 'mind drama'. The mind loves this as it is busy working and full of 'possibilities'. But my energy is being drained physically and mentally.

I admit at time I do have internal conversations in my prayers too.

There are ways to quiten the internal conversation.

What I have learned and practice are that...

1. by counting my thoughts in a day does help in reducing it.

2. I practice writing journals, expressing what are my internal dialogues really works for me. What I noticed is that when I pen the internal conversation down, the mind is quieter.

3. another way is, I have the conversation directly with the person relating the issues. This reduces the mind chattering. But if I am not 'complete' with the conversation with that person, I would have an internal conversation in my mind. I replayed the conversation again, have another mind conversation (with the person the way I would have) to achieve what I want if I were to have the conversation again. As I am aware of the pattern, I practice completing every conversation and declare that I am complete. Whatever thoughts that is playing in my mind after that are just another 'play' or 'drama' I am creating. I would say to my mind... "thank you for sharing" and not think of the matter anymore.

4. I have a conversation with God seeking guidance and forgiveness.

5. I share my 'stuff' with a close friend. Typically by just sharing, the matter is resolved. There is no need for 'advice'.

6. When I am having a conversation with someone, I practice to be 'present' in the conversation and not have 'side' conversation in my mind and accept the person/conversation as is. By being aware, I am already present and 100% in the conversation.

7. I recite the Holly Quran daily and recite more when my internal dialogue is busier.

8. I rearrange my room, my drawer, my books etc.

Ciao.
Izam

My Expectation & Upset

2009-01-12T17:17:00.000-08:00

Have you ever got upset because you ...

1. said 'hello' to someone & he/she did not respond; or

2. share your 'story' & not being acknowledged; or

3. when you want attention and you are not getting it.

I get upset when something happen or did not happen the way I want it to be. I asked myself 'why' many times.

Then I attended a course and I learned why I was upset and it blew my mind - When I have expectation and it is not being fulfilled, I will become upset and go into justification or blame mode.

Sometimes we do stuff to achieve a certain result to fulfill our internal needs like wanting recognition, wanting acknowledgement or even wanting to be right. We often want to be in the domain of 'known' than 'unknown'. "Life is like a box of chocolate - you never know what you gonna get - Forest Gump".

When I have expectation, it is like I am looking for a specific thing using a torch light. I am focus in searching for the exact match I have in mind. When I could not find it, I will be upset and when I got it, I will be happy.

I saw the difference in the way I behave when I understood this. I know the source of my upset which is wanting an outcome to fulfill the 'ego' needs. When I focus on adding value and not on me, I do not get upset easily. Every outcome is a result. What I do next with the outcome is important.

ciao

Izam

Personal Mission Statement

2009-01-04T23:56:00.000-08:00

Do your company or business has a Mission Statement? Do you have a Personal Mission Statement? Why not?

I always wanted to be my best. I do my best to be a better in everything important to me like in my career, family and finance.

In working towards achieving all my goals, I got tired and defocus at times. I questioned myself, what is my long term direction. I know that I want to do good but what is it.

Then I was taught a simple 4 steps approach to designing my purpose statement or mission statement to keep me focus. I worked on it and found my niche. I remember this mission statement all the time so that I have a broad direction in my life.

I am so excited that now, not only my company has a mission statement, i do have one too. As the company do annual review and goal setting, I can do my personal review too to ensure that I am in alignment with my company's mission vice versa.

Steps to developing a Personal Mission Statement:

The first question- what do I like doing and good at it?

The second question - what are my values and traits?

The third question - what do I want to achieve in the short term (2 - 5 years)?

The last question - what do I want to achieve in the long term?

You can answer this in many ways as long as the Mission Statement inspires you and you are congruent with it and you will get up every morning and go through life purposeful.

My answers for the above questions which I developed a few years ago are as below. (You can change your Mission Statement if you have found a new purpose after you have done the first one). Add the words in bold to the answers and you already got your Personal Mission Statement.

My Mission Statement:

"I will touch, move and inspire,

Using my honesty and contribution,

To achieve transformation in people and businesses,

And to achieve inner peace and closer to the Allah."

I will constantly look at my Personal Mission Statement and align it with my company's mission statement and my wife's mission statement. When these missions are aligned, the efforts I put in say for example, at work for the company is also adding value to me. This is how I stay grounded in difficult times and be patient. When I get through the challenges at work, i will also worked through my personal issues.

I apply the same thing at home with the family. I am clear of my vision and mission in the family. Each one of them have their own purpose and goals too. I align my mission to their ways of being so that when I support their mission and goals, I will achieve mine too. It would be great if everyone in the family has the mission statement. I would be easier to align them.

When I have alignment especially when my values are different with others, we can work to come to a common resolution in achieving our missions and goals.

Ciao.

Izam

Uncluttering my life - begins with physical clutter

2009-01-04T03:50:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt cluttered -
in your physical space like your room?
Mentally? or
Emotionally?
Seemed that there are too many stuff in the space?
Do you feel stressed?
What do you do about it?

I learnt many years ago that clearing the clutters in my physical, mental and emotional spaces are ways to managing my 'being'.

I have this habit of keeping stuff which might be useful in the future even though I did not use it for years. At one point of time, I kept on finding empty spaces in my house and office by rearranging them to put new stuff in. :)

For example, when I buy new clothes, I kept the old ones as there are still in good conditions and I could still wear them. The same goes with the shoes, files of documents, books, travel bags and many more. I would always think that someday I would wear them and also I still like them so I would not give them away. Just imagine I had 10 years of cumulative 'good condition' stuff with me. I seemed to not able to find any new space for all these stuff.

When I was first introduced to this idea of uncluttering my life, I was stressful. Everything seemed not to be working for me. Every responsibility looked like a burden. I was told that clutters affect how I feel especially with anxiety and frustration. These make me feel overwhelmed.

I wanted my life to change and I thought that to let go of unwanted physical stuff would be a good start. I realised that some of these stuff were loaded with memories too. Parting was not easy.

I keep everything which I am using within 6 months to a year and I am selective in keeping the others which I might use 'someday' especially my books.

Clearing clutter is a continual process.

I feel good when I see my closet, my bookshelves, garage have breathing spaces.

I am still working on my two drawers and hard disks. My drawers contained lots of small stuff seemed important and full of memories over the last 14 years. I kept on rearranging the drawers and very little were taken out or gave away and more being put in. My hard disks contained too many stuff & I do not know where to begin.

I am also practising to unclutter in my mind and emotion now. These are challenging especially to slow down the negative self talk, detaching from the past, expectation of the future and to be present to now.

ciao
Izam

My last dance with my dad

2008-12-29T02:41:00.000-08:00

Reza sent me this link - http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/ . Photos taken by Phillip Toledano.

I tried not to be in tears while recalling the times I had with my dad all these years.

He passed away on 10 December 2008. The same day I got married 14 years ago.

The last time I saw him was on Eid Adha, two days before he passed on. All of us wanted to go to my grandmother's house but he wanted to stay home alone.

I was the last person to leave the house. My last words were "Dad, I am going now"

The last time I hug my dad... I can't remember when?

The last time I kiss his hand and his cheeks was on the Eid Mubarak morning.

The last time I learn from him on Islamic studies was 2 years ago.

The last time my dad was the imam when I prayed Maghrib was 20 year ago.

There were many other memories of "the last time..."

How his 'way of being' had impacted me now. How he loved me without saying "I love you".

What are also important... what I am being and doing for the rest of my life to ensure that it would not be his 'last dance'.

He passed on at the age of 69. He had problem with his vision when he was 55 years old. He never complained, not even once on his eye sight problem. I learn about acceptance.

He spent his money wisely. I value saving money for children education.

He helped everyone in whatever way he could even in his condition. I learn about gratitude.

He drank warm water every morning when he woke up. I learn about discipline.

He exercise every morning. I learn about being healthy.

He would pray at the beginning of every solat time. I learn about istiqomah & character building.
He memorised many surah from the Quran, recited them during and after prayers (because of his eyes condition). I learn about the importance of the journey to akhirat (no matter what my circumstances are).

He would accompany my mum to the supermarket, pushing the cart while my mum steering the cart. I learn about true love.

My mum held his hand while walking all the time. I learn about life time companionship.

My dad not wanting to travel with us for holidays or to family events at times because he did not want to burden anyone. I learn about understanding.

My dad read using magnifying glass in his late 50s. I learn about passion and tenacity.

He ignited his 24-year-old proton saga every morning, wiped the car body every day and washed it every week. I learn about the value of everything and everyone.

My dad helped my mum with the house work. I learn about teamwork & no excuses.

There are many more.

Can you look in the beauty of the people you love and the values they have passed on to you?

There are people you meet in your life journey, whom you be with them - only once, only for a season and for a life time.

All of them are there to show or teach you something. Make most out of it to build the best you.

My prayers to all living dad and mum and to those dad and mum who had passed on, may they be placed with the Ambia'.

ciao.
Izam

p/s: my late dad featured in most of P Ramlee movies playing the bass guitar.

Mamma Mia, here I go again… (How much do I complain about others and circumstances)

2008-12-28T21:45:00.000-08:00

We have our likes and dislikes based on our values and experiences.

This is not a right or wrong conversation. This is a conversation about someone’s behaviour which is not aligned with our values.

When we don’t like something about someone’s behaviour especially someone close to us, we complain about them either in our minds and journals or to close friends. It is ok if it is part of releasing tensions. But when it becomes a persistent complain, it is no longer a releasing session.

I behave like the above at times. I do not like my ‘way of being’ as it makes me feel unsettled inside. It may go away for a while when I release the tension by writing and talking about it. However, this quick fix is a short term solution. I still feel the same way.

Now I do it differently and feel great!

Every time I complain about others, I will continue to release through writing and talking about it to close friends to gain insight of my way of being. AND again like in my previous article, I will see where I was coming from in my interpretation and work out my issues first. AND… the best thing which I am doing now is I say my doa or prayers for the person so that whatever he/she is doing is for the good of everyone. AND I talk to the person involved my truth directly and work things out. The talking to the person involved is the biggest challenge for me. I state my case and speak my truth and not expect anything from the person.

Hey, who said it is easy.

It is all back to my intention. When I am clear of my intention which is not to serve my ego, I will do whatever it takes to make it work. AND.., how do I know whether it is not my ego talking. I will never know. :)

Because of that, in my daily prayers, I do reflection and contemplation and seek Allah’s guidance.
“Whether I choose or not choose is a choice”

ciao
Izam

Learn from our 'mirrors'

2008-12-26T05:38:00.000-08:00

The title for this post is funny. Who is my mirror?

'Mirror' is actually everyone around me.

I like, dislike or neutral about some behaviours by others around me because they are all my mirrors.

That is how I am aware of some habits in me which I need to stop or change. I can't really see what I am doing wrong unless I see the same in others and hate it.

When I like someone's behaviour, I have it actually.

When I am neutral about someone's behaviour, I am ok with the same behaviour in me and it is not that important.

When I don't like someone's behaviour, I have to check whether I had them and still not 'clear' on the issue or I still behave the same way which I don't like. The choice I have is to work on the issue or change the behaviour. If not, I stop complaining. :)

The challenge is when I don't like someone's behaviour, at times instead of looking inside me, I will talk about the person and his behaviour - what is wrong, how he should behave da..da..da..da. I become an expert in what other should or shouldn't do. Off course lah. It is more exciting than looking inside me. :) It is more painful to look inside me and sometimes I felt disgusted.

The goal is to identify as many mirrors in your life which make you feel uncomfortable.

Not necessarily people around you. It could be an event, someone said something on the TV, something you read in the news or magazines, well known people's statements or behaviours you see on TV or read in the press.

Recognising the behaviour which is not serving you is the first bold step. I acknowledge you if you have. Next, to change your behaviour is a choice. :) No pain no gain. Choose!

ciao.
Izam

Touch, move and inspire made simple

2008-12-25T17:14:00.000-08:00

Big subject.

How do you touch someone's life? - Simple - be 100% present with him/her.

How do you move someone? Simple - always contribute to his/her growth and make him/her happy.

How do you inspire someone? Simple - Be at your best and do your best and be authentic with yourself. People are watching your action.

To do this all the time? - Not so simple. :)

The truth for me - Ego is in the way at times. "I want to be right, I want to look good, I avoid looking bad, I hunger for acknowledgement/recognition, I listen to my inner conversation more than being present to the other's conversation."

My simple step to get rid of these behaviour so that I can touch, move and inspire people is by being aware I am in the above 'state' at that moment.

Try it on. The result would be miracle!

ciao
izam

A Balanced Life

2008-12-25T16:41:00.000-08:00

I used to think to have a balanced life is all about 50:50.

Is it really?

I believe the total is still 100%. However the portion of time may not be 50:50 all the time.

When I started work ages ago and when I started a new job, I spent long hours to be 'up to mark' and to familiarise with the job and the environment. The balancing may be 70% work and 30% on other stuff.

When the birth of a new child, for the first 2 months, 60% of the time at nite, I spend on the baby & the balance 40% on my beauty sleep. :)

Off course when I start someting new, I need to spend more time on it. This is not imbalance. We have 24 hours is a day. We cannot say that we account for 20 hours for doing something and the other 4 hours exist in a vacuum. This is imbalance. Does it really happen? No.

When I have a goal to achieve, I tend to focus more time and effort on it so that I would achieve the result resired.

Without this realisation, I may be looking for a balanced life which is never existed.

When I do what I like, I spent hours hours on it. Would I be resentful and say I am not balanced in my life?

Now, I prioritise stuff in my life. I do everything which I am of contribution to me and others around me.

You can argue that spending too much time on something and neglect other priorities may be called an inbalance life. That is a different conversation. It is a 'responsibility conversation' and not about 'balance'. There is a relation but lets not collapse it. Clarity is power. I will talk about this later.

ciao
izam

"Changing The World" story

2008-12-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

Everyone seems to be talking about it. What is it really?

This what I think. By being a good person and by adding value to the people around me are examples of I am changing the world. A friend gave an example like if you commit to donate your heart when you die to another being, you are changing the world.

In essence, we do not have to be like Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Walt Disney to make this world a better place.

ciao
Izam

Self Mastery - Part One

2008-12-24T02:17:00.000-08:00

I read an article by Steward Emery. This is what I got.

Many people seem to use these words "Self Mastery".

What does it really mean and do we really know our 'self mastery'?

We tend to compare with an ideal person or situation and we work on ourselves towards self mastery. When do we declare that we are a master?

We treat self mastery like a big thing and drown in it without understanding it clearly and chunking it down to smaller 'mastery'.

A kid playing soccer at his school level - is he a master?
A man playing soccer for his company - is he a master?
A man playing soccer for his country - is he a master?
What about playing soccer for one of the EPL teams - is he a master?

My truth is all of them are masters. Only when we make comparison to someone else better (in our interpretation), we say that we are not masters. Benchmarking to a certain extent is ok only when it is contributing to our growth. Not when it make us paralise.

We are all masters. The foundation of a master is ordinariness. We are all ordinary people. :)

Why I classify them as masters because they keep on correcting themselves without invalidating self. The journey for them is to improve their performance so that today is better than yesterday. That is a good benchmarking. Off course you have to be authentic in declaring that you have done your best to improve self.

What I would do is pick an area of my life which I want to be a master of. Then I keep working on it.

This is like I improve on my technical competency in a particular subject until I reach a level of excellence in the subject and can be called a master. I will make sure that it is measurable.

I read somewhere that if we study a subject 2 hours a day - within 3 to 5 years, we are an expert in the subject.

So now pick an area which you want to be a master of if you haven't. Then do a quick audit - how much you have worked on the subject matter and what is the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. What do you need to do consistently? The journey makes you a master. This is self mastery.

Let me tell you a story.

I know someone who started a business with 9 Dollars if I am not mistaken. He said 5 years ago that he wanted to be a master in marketing. He worked on it religiously. Now he is a millionaire and being acknowledged as a master in marketing. He can see opportunities in problems. He teaches people marketing now too. Successful people leave trails. He saw the trails before and he followed and now he is leaving his trails too.

Another person started photography as a hobby 3 years ago from scratch. Doing the same thing as I shared earlier. He is now a unique photographer and a master in his own class. He got invitation to take photos in Europe and Australia. Even with these testimonials, he keeps on working on his technical excelence. Did he compare himself with others? Well... only in a specific area of the photography he wants to work on in order to increase his competency. He teaches others too.

Those above maybe too big to digest. What about someone who is a master in preparing Powerpoint Presentations at work? Did he declare that he is a master? Why not? You can drive a car? Are you a master at driving? Why not? What makes your driving today better than yesterday? Do you know the gap and do you keep measuring?

In summary:
1. Foundation of self mastery is being ordinary.
2. Choose an area which you want to be a master of
3. Work on it deligently & continue making correction without invalidating yourself
4. Keep reviewing and assess your growth. This is key and celebrate your small win.

More sharing later on Self Mastery.

Clarity leads to powerful execution... Are you clear of what you want to be a master of?

ciao
Izam

Tunnel Focus vs Distract Focus

2008-12-23T02:14:00.001-08:00

One of the thing I realise is that most of us want to achieve the result or goal set either daily / monthly / yearly goal or life goal.

Have ever we realised that we do get distracted in our lives to achieve the results we want.

I am sure all of us know this but to what extent that we take this distractions seriously. How serious are we wanting to change our circumstances and achieving singnificant results?

The mind is a good distractor organiser. As we are about to focus in taking action, we realise that we need to make that call, check that emails, reply text mesages, read the business section of today's newspaper, do this and that rather than focus in doing what matters most to achieve the results. Can you relate to this? Isn't this sick?

Life is filled with potential distractions, especially when you have a goal. Trust me :). You may get yourself drowned in pointless tasks and not getting the important stuf done at all.

How do we get to tunnel focus so that we are on track to achieving the results within the time set?

1. When I am in the zone, I ignore other things. Even when the phone rings. I can always call back later.
2. Do away with the internet. Do not even sign in as invinsible. This is the most difficult one for me. I would find reason to browse the net.
3. Prioritise - this is key for me. I do get distracted with the small stuff at times so I handle them in advance. Make that calls & check that email earlier. Delegate the errands.
4. Do not commit to new social appointments at weekend. The weekend is very precious for me to catch up or do more of the important things. I have a clearer mind at weekend to work. Less distraction.
5. Chunking it down - do small focus work. This is the best for me. I typically set goal and want to do all now. I usually leaves the work till last minute. What I do now is do them bit by bit and I allocate a bit more time at the end to integrate and review the work done. This helps a lot.
6. Do what ever it takes. This is new to me. I will do everything to get it done and not get distracted. This is the toughest. I am good at rearranging the time to the 'right time' in the future and then panic or don't do it at all.
7. No more excuses. I am tired of this. I have great justification for all actions and inaction.

try it on.
Izam

p/s: this photo is taken by Reza Ali (www.therighteye.net)

Set Goals at the beginning of 2009 - a wish or really something I want?

2008-12-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

Everytimes comes year end, I will be thinking of what I want to achieve next year and what I have achieved in the current year.

The typical scenarios in the past were I would get a new diary and fill in with what I want to achieve in the coming year and then track them till about March and then forget totally about them.

Then 3 years ago I was introduced by a friend to set goal systematically. I have been doing it for 3 years since and the results were miracles. I achieved almost 80% of the goals. Now I would take a day off from everything, lock myself in a hotel room and review my achievements for the current year and set goals for the coming year.

The steps are simple however it needs to be be guided.

Now, I got a further distinctions on goal setting. When the goals I set are aligned with who I am, my values and mission statement or true purpose for now, I would want to achieve the goals. I used to set unreasonable goals, someone else goals, 'someday' goals or nice to have goals. There is no motivation in achieving the goals as it is not mine and not congruent with who I am.

I get lost in wanting a lot of things and not wanting to work for it. When the goals seemed too far fetch, i would drop them and not do it.

Now I set goals in a few areas of my life which of value to me - I set health goals, financial goals, relationship with my kids, wife and parents goals, my personal minder goals, learning goals, career goals, company goals and spiritual goals. From here I choose only three which I will focus a lot of my attention in the coming year.

From the review of my current year, I identify the issues I faced in achieving or not achieving my goals, then I would find the pattern of success or procastination so that I would learn from it for the coming year. I would review my mission statements and values if they are still relevant.

2009 is coming soon and fast. Many people talked about the economy uncertainties in 2009. I am finding time to set my 2009 goals and aware of the current issues surrounding me.

Next year will be another year of uncertainties for me in my life direction. In going for my goals in 2009, there are still areas which I fear in wanting to set it as a goal knowing that I want it. I doubt myself in wanting it. Do I really want it? How would I really know? I will never know till I go for it.

I am sure that I will continue to set my goals on my health (eating right and exercising regularly). Whats new next year would be - I want to learn to swim like a fish (swim effortlessly), I want to learn to be a master photographer by end 2009 (I want to have the eyes for it) and I want to work on my second son for him to be at par with his peers in his skills and learning abilities.

What is on my wish list? - I wish I would be a millionaire tomorrow. :) I wish would travel the world every quarter. :( I wish and I wish and I wish.... Do I really want these? Am I willing to put in the efforts, doing whatever it takes? Aha! - there is the gap! So I stop wishing and start setting goals and come up with the plan and take action. Better than keep on wishing every beginning of the year and staring at the potential outcome while non commital in the action. Yuks!!!

Tips:
1. review current year goals - where did you go wrong?
2. Set the right goals and align with you values and purpose (mission statement)
3. Set priorities
4. Focus & discipline
5. Take action (it takes time)
6. Break the goals in smaller goals and timeline
7. No excuse or procastination
8. Quick Assessment / review - monthly/quarterly

ciao.
Izam

Completion with the past, being in the present and aware of the future

2008-12-22T00:24:00.000-08:00

My dad passed away on 10 December 2008. I was asked by friends and relatives - are you ok? how do you feel? Do you need any support?

In all these questions asked to me - the questions in my mind were am I complete with my late dad? Was there anything not being said or done between me and my dad? Have I been a good son? Have I done enough to make him happy?

What I learned here is that it is good to be complete with all the people you interacted with. I used to leave things hanging and hope that the matter will be cleared by itself over time. These are unresolved energy around me. I have many regrets and guilts in the past because I have not completed many open issues between me and many others. Some of the completion I did in my journals and prayers as I am not in contact with them anymore or I do not know that I am incomplete with them. And also there are some which I do not have the courage to complete with them yet.

I am more present now. Sometimes I think I am present actually I am using my mind to be present. It is challenging to be present with the mind keeps on thinking, analysing and suggesting. I use 'short focus' in what I do to be present and stop the distraction of wanting to think about the future. It is just like completing many short assignments so that my mind will not wonder to la la land aimlessly.

I have this bad habit of wanting to be in the future NOW which causes me stress. When I am in this state, I am not present. Very tiring!

I have an insight today on this. I saw myself building my finances for the future happiness like the children educations, being debt free and a good retirement. I forgot to feel the essence of joy and happiness now with the kids and the life I have got.

Food for thought: I move from living a 'someday' life to living in the present and I am aware of the future needs. :)

I am light and easy.

ciao
Izam

Clarity of intention & power of execution

2008-12-21T23:35:00.000-08:00

When I created this blog, my intention was just to have one. Most people have blogs so I want one too. This is my second time creating it. I began to ask why am I not writing regularly.

I realise that when I created this blog earlier, it was because Reza asked me to, since I talk about it and not doing anything. I saw a pattern here which is I am good at starting stuff like a checklist and I have challenges in doing the same thing over a period of time. It is like a burden.

There was a gap between what I did and what I really want next. My intention was to create a blog and I have achieved it. I have not set the next intention to write regularly and on what topic do I want to write about.

What I learn today is "Clarity of intention" is very important. I always wanted to write a book and I want to use this blog to flex my writing muscles and write as clear as possible. This is my intention. I will write about what I went through in specific areas of my life and share the 'aha' moments with the learnings.

I waited till I have good stories or occurences to share in this blog before I write one. When I wait for the great story, writing a blog may just be a wish.

Clarity of intention must come with action. :) Ha... ha... I am a procastinator in this area too. Many good intentions with no execution.

What I got is when I am clear of my intention, follow with execution, there is great power and satisfaction!

Food for thought: First, I must have clarity of my intention. Second, I execute. There is power in taking action and making correction along the way. I am alive again. :) Yohoo...

Ciao
Izam

Distinctions on 'speaking' and 'listening'

2008-11-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

I learned this a few years ago and I think it is worth while to share.
Part 1 - When we speak to someone. Beyond the words. Do we speak to their 'listening' or we speak our 'values'? Not an easy thing to explain. Let me explain this way. When we speak to a 5-year-old child, how do we speak in order for him to get what you are saying? It is the same thing if you speak on any particular subject to a 40-year-old who is a 5-year-old on the subject matter. Clarity is power. Try it on. Your communication skills will increase. Seek to understand before you need to be understood. :)

Part 2 - When we listen to someone's sharing or talking, beyond the words, do we really listen to them or we listen to our values / experiences etc. We have filters. As a person speaks to us, we tend to make mental pictures, sounds and / or movies so that we can interprete or relate to the person from our 'understanding'. A good practice is to listen as it is first and then repeat what they said in essence to ensure that you understand it like the speaker understood it. This will increase rapport and comprehension.

ciao
izam

Uncollapsing issues is the beginning 'clearing'

2008-11-01T04:35:00.000-07:00

This is a difficult subject. However, because it is so important to me, I will share .

When I am stuck about something, I would always go to solution mode. Does it really work? Not all the time.

There are a few things I would consider.

1. I need to see the occurrence that happened as it is.

2. Look for the source of the problem before going into solution mode.

3. I typically would uncollapse it into 2 areas - people problem or system problem.

4. If it is the people problem - I look at me as the source of the problem first. I will assess on how I contributed to the problem and make correction. When something happened, generally emotion would be high and in this moment, I seldom act rationally. I would phase myself. Breath deep from the stomach for a while is a good start. I separate the occurrence with what I feel. I deal with the source of my emotion first and when I am already clear, then only I will look at the occurrence objectively. Note: Not easy when the problem is between me and the people closest to me. :) ha... ha...

5. If it is a system problem, it is easy, I would ensure that the system would have more clarity in the future.

I am a bit uncomfortable to share my experiences in these areas. I can tell you there are many. I tend to be highly stressed when there are problems and always be in solution mode. Sometimes when someone just would like to share there circumstances, I would have solution for them. One of my friend once told me - "Izam, I just want you to listen" Opps!!

Once I am aware of this distinction, problem solving is so simple - It is no longer about me, it is about the occurence which need attention or correction. Again work on ego and inner self. If I can't solve it, I would seek assistance from others. And again... got to remind myself that it is not about me - "wanting to look good' or 'avoid looking bad'. :) He... he...

ciao

Izam

Life is all about action

2008-10-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

I used to contemplate a lot about everything. Then the next step I take is plan my action. I stay at the planning stage and re-plan and re-plan again and again. Now I choose to take action.

I declared that I want to write again in my Blog. Because it was a long time ago since I last write in my Blog called Izam Speaks. I cannot log in again and now I have to create a new blog.

This is the second beginning in my writing passion...

I will write about all my self coaching experiences and third party coaching learnings without revealing their details so that we can all learn and shift to another level.

Thanks to a great friend, Reza, for believing in me and constantly pushing me to be at my best. He is my ACTION coach. Action is Reza's second name!

I will write so that people woud be touched, moved and inspired!, causing them to take action.

ciao

Izam